Canada, You Suck

1. The United States has officially slapped every other north american country in the face with THEIR own sports; both times as underdogs. We are the greatest nation in the history of nations. I can promise the Romans or Nazis or Greeks couldn't have gone into Vancouver last night and beaten Canada 5-3.

2. We should make a political stand on this matter. Let's rename the continent. I am sick of North America. How bout the United States of America as the continent? Similar to the continent of Australia, but New Zealand is also there. Just because we let the other two entities exist doesn't mean they deserve global recognition.

3. The fact that the US cares about hockey all of a sudden is downright hilarious. ESPN, the rights holders to the WNBA, Drag Racing, and freaking Bowling couldn't see the NHL as a reasonable investment, so the NHL is now on pay cable. Now ESPN is playing nothing but hockey analysis, and the nation is now in an uproar that the game was on MSNBC. A Hockey, Preliminary round NHL All-Star game is causing an uproar. WTF.

4. The implications of this are magnificent. I can see this patriotic love for sports we don't care about absolutely revolutionizing the World Cup. Let's say we beat England on opening saturday... or at least score a goal. Then win the next two. All of a sudden everyone is walking around in Uncle Sam Hats, carrying flags around their necks, and every student will have joined a "Josey for President" facebook group. Then we will get screwed out of a penalty late in the match down 2-1 to argentina in the first knock out round, and 270 million fans who hardly know the rules will lose their minds, claiming injustice!! fraud!! match fixing!! The result? video replay in soccer. This will break the heart of every European football fan, as the United States will ultimately change soccer forever because they were screwed in a game they should have lost anyway. This anti-US sentiment will resinate in not only sports, but politics and international relations as well. Pretty soon the U.S. of A and China are at war, we go to the E.U. hat in hand begging for help (because China has now aligned itself with nuclear nations Iran and Pakistan, as well as that little Asian man from North Something). The E.U says nah, your own your own, football ruiners. And before you know it we're all %$^ed.

Thanks Canada, all you had to do was win a freaking hockey game. You suck.